Why is my hair falling out?
So many days asking “Why is my hair falling out” have come to an end.
Yesterday was the first day in nearly 4000 days when my hair didn’t fall out. I didn’t check the bald patches to see what was worse, what was growing back, what was turning pure white. I didn’t sigh as a handful of hair came out when washing it in the bath or had to de-hair the hairbrush for the zillionth time this week. None of that: yesterday was the beginning of a new journey.
On Friday night, my lovely hairdresser, Paolo, and some fabulous women I’m chuffed to call my friends came round to my house. Here, with my gorgeous kids on hand, my head was shaved and those near 4000 days were brought to an end. We laughed, ate some lovely baking (see my show-off baking pics at the bottom), drank and some stayed for a kitchen disco into the wee hours of the morning.
A shaved head isn’t a look that I’ve ever particularly wanted. A short phase in the 90s, maybe, but I’ve never given it serious consideration. However, after living with partial alopecia for so long and then the hair loss accelerating rapidly over the last few months, it was time to take matters into my own hands and choose bald over patchy. Bold over uncertainty.
It felt really, weirdly tingly for 24 hours. A quite full on sensation, like I’d seriously over done it with some minty shampoo. And it’s definitely going to take some getting used to, but on the whole, I rather like it. My amazing support troup on Friday was full of compliments and empowering words. That really helped. And my lovely boys have been nothing but wonderful, which is no easy task when you’re 14 or 11 and your mum has just radically changed how she looks.
As the tingling fades, I’m now starting to settle into this new me. I’m constantly online shopping for hats, wigs, fringe wigs with cool silk scarves, hygge bands for yoga as well as some decent SPF (jeez, I’m not sure my baldy head has ever seen the sun as I was a committed bonnet wearer as a baby) and today I’ll go and get some beard trimmers so I can keep it up.
I went to pilates this morning where I felt really comfortable in a hygge band. I also loved it when rolling up from forward bend and not having to push hair out of my eyes. Another surprising difference was lifting my head out of the water in the bath last night: it was like I was full of helium. So light! I got the giggles about it, it felt so strange. I’m very much looking forward to going swimming soon. But first I need to do the weekly shop. Think I’ll wear a head scarf for that as the chiller aisles would be too nippy for a bare bonce!
It feels like a whole new world and, perhaps most importantly, it isn’t (figuratively speaking) the end of the world.
I’m a bit of a natural with positive psychology, and I have always been grateful that of all the auto-immune conditions I could get, alopecia areata is (to me) the best choice. I don’t have any physical pain or discomfort. It doesn’t stop me leaping out of bed in the morning and going about my day. Of course, it’s not ideal and there’s been some dark days, but on the whole I’ve managed. And, having had it consistently for over a decade, I’ve had a long time to prepare for the potential of needing to boss it as a bald, bold woman: I’ve been in training for this for 4000 days!
The most difficult part is that there is little rhyme or reason to the pattern of hair loss and why it is OK sometimes and not others. People like to share their thoughts with me on it too, which of course is welcome, but when I say that although stress plays a part, it isn’t the root cause (pardon the pun), I really don’t like the pitying look some give that implies that they think stress is the cause and I’m in denial. That’s gaslighting and it’s taken me a long time to realise. For years I did keep questioning myself, thinking “I don’t feel that stressed… but maybe I am??”.
I do think that because I’m fairly robust in my mental health, my stress could be coming out through alopecia instead. Like I say, it does play a role. But I’ve got good self awareness and I know that it is only a contributing factor.
So what else could it be?
My strongest theory for the rapid acceleration of loss in the autumn is the beginning of the perimenopause. I’ve been aware for years that it would be likely, when the peri hits, that I’d lose more hair, if not all. I’d say about 70% of my hair had gone (before I decided to go the whole 100% myself, that is!). I don’t have any of the common symptoms of perimenopause yet though. Oh, except brain fog. But there’s 100 reasons why I might have that including: I’ve had COVID a couple of times; the last few years have been challenging; it’s january; maybe I’ve always been a bit foggy but only notice it now I’ve given it a name; and so on. My glasses prescription is shifting at the moment though, and that usually only happens when there’s a hormone fluctuation, so it is a strong possibility.
It could also simply be bad luck. Mother nature waved her wand (or whatever cool stick thing she uses) and I got the sprinkling of alopecia glitter this time round. Fair enough, she’s been pretty kind to me in other ways.
I thought that wheat might be the main factor, so in late 2022, I cut out wheat (and most gluten) from my diet for about 8 weeks. Going without wheat over Christmas was particularly tricky, but I did it. It proved to me (having experimented before) that yes, wheat definitely exacerbated the hair loss, but giving it up just slowed the fallout, it didn’t stop it.
This weekend I have indulged in a wide variety of delicious wheaty things as it no longer matters. I know it’s a bit childish, but every bite of pizza or carrot cake or fresh sourdough bread with lashings of salty butter is me flicking the bird to alopecia. I’m really loving my rather pathetic, but fantastically enjoyable rebellion!
I’ve also tried various supplements. Alongside a gut health focus recently (30 plants a week minimum), I’ve been taking some probiotics and I saw a recommendation for Biotin on Alopecia UK’s facebook group, so I thought that couldn’t do any harm. Vitamin D3 (taken with fish oil to boost the absorption) has definitely helped over the years as it’s sped up the regrowth.
Which brings me neatly to that topic. Regrowth. Will my hair grow back? Possibly. I reckon though, at the age of 45 and on the precipice of a hormonal roller coaster, it’s most likely going to be mega patchy for a good while. Possibly forever. So it’s been important to me to keep a mindset of acceptance and love for the shaved head, as it’s likely to be my look of choice for the next phase of my life.
You can get some seriously amazing wigs too. I completely understand why someone would invest in an expensive one which doesn’t look like a wig at all, but at the moment, for me, I’d rather spend a few grand on a holiday than a wig.
I’ve always been a fairly feisty, bold woman, so I’m rolling with that and I’m planning living a life which involves me baring my beautiful bonce (when it’s warm enough to do so), occasionally wearing a cool (reasonably priced!) wig, playing with turbans and headscarves and also over-investing in a range of fabulous hats.
It’s early days of this new journey though, so I’m also not committing to anything right now and letting it flow. It’s important for me to share my story, as the more normal alopecia is, the easier it is for any person who has it. Alopecia UK has been brilliant for me for that normalising process. Also following some beautiful bald women on instagram has really helped: I just look like one of them now. You don’t feel so alien when you see people who have alopecia too on a regular basis.
As well as raising awareness, I also wrote this blog just in case I ever get that pitying look from anyone ever again. I’ll just politely pass on this link and they can educate themselves a little on not making assumptions or cod diagnosis. Ha!
I’ll continue to share, mainly on Instagram, if you want to keep in the loop and if you’re going through something similar and want to have a chat and a cuppa, just get in touch..
Anyway, I'm off to have a shot tying that headscarf and get my butt down to Sainsburys!
When life gives you lemons, drink champagne and bake ricciarelli lemon and almond biscuits!
And when the frosting is too runny, just give everyone spoons!
Gutted there were no leftovers of these - ginger cookies with mango marscapone cream. Heaven!
