My one year baldiversary! Reflections of twelve months as a bald woman
It was the 27th January last year when a roomful of fabulous women, my hairdresser and my lovely kids joined me for my Brave Shave party. Over 70% of my hair had gone so it was the swiftest and, in some ways, easiest haircut Paolo had ever given me. It was certainly the cheapest!
But it was also one of the strangest experiences of my life. Initially that strangeness was intensely physical. The sudden exposure was very tingly. I could (and still can) detect a draught from 100 paces! Whilst the tingly-ness did subside, the oddness of it all remained and has been a fascinating evolution over the course of a year.
Here are some things I’ve learnt in the past twelve months:
- January was the silliest month ever to go bald.
- However, there is nothing finer than whipping your hat or wig off on a summer’s day. It’s so cooling!
- I’m still surprised every morning when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It’s not a nasty shock, but it is a surprise. I wonder how long that will last?
- At a point in my life where I was likely to become more invisible (as middle aged women often do in our society), I now have a visible difference which makes people remember me. I’m an extrovert and I LOVE that.
- Also, with my theatre background I do love a big reveal. There is great joy and pure playfulness in being able to do that whenever I want.
- My kids have coped extremely well. They have been consistently supportive, lovely and generally not bothered about having a bald mum at all. I am so very, very proud of them.
- Being bald has unlocked a bravery in me, I didn’t know I had.
- Going on HRT stopped my body hair falling out. My nose hair grew back (which is amazing as that was quite sore after losing that), but there’s absolutely no sign of the hair on my head returning.
- I am completely at peace with the fact I may be bald forever.
- I have a complex relationship with wigs. Sometimes I love them, sometimes I just want to be bald and bold. I'm currently in a bald or beanie hat phase (especially a velvet one). All is OK and all is allowed.
- I am very lucky to live in the right area where I get an amazing wig prescription from the NHS.
- Lifting your head out of the water in the bath when there’s no drag from wet hair is hilarious. It’s like your head is a helium balloon!
- Similarly, swimming, without the faff of wet hair, is utterly, utterly glorious.
- I now have to cope with some people assuming I have cancer. That is a tricky one.
- People are conditioned to give sympathy to a bald woman. I don’t need that sympathy, but the fact that everyone I’ve met face to face, when my baldy head is on show, approaches me with kindness is a rather lovely thing.
- There aren’t enough bald women role models about. I’m committed to doing my bit to help normalise it and support others who are experiencing hair loss.
There is one other point, but maybe I’ll stop the list for now and explain this one more broadly. There is something in me, which has evolved over the year: a rather amazing increasing mental freedom.
Like most people, I’ve been guilty of the “when I finally…” thinking. You know the thought process - “when I finally lose that weight, I will…” or “when I finally earn X amount a year, I will…” and so on. A decade ago I was totally mired in those thought processes. I’ve raised my awareness of it, worked on my mindset, but it was all too easy to fall back into that pattern.
Until I short circuited the pathway by going bald. Having such a radical sudden change jumbled everything up, and as things slowly unravelled over the last year, I realise that thinking has nearly completely gone.
Oh my goodness, it’s wonderful! So freeing!
Now, if I’m being honest, I don’t think it’s entirely because I shaved my head. I think my shifting hormones and going on strong HRT will have played a part in this. As well as a continuation of the mindset work I’ve been putting the time in with since 2020. But that sudden shift certainly accelerated things.
It’s much easier now, to be present and to enjoy the moment. I’ve still got drive, ambition, things I want to achieve and places I want to get to, but I no longer feel like I’m constantly waiting for my best life to begin. It’s already here.
I’m not getting radical and suggesting that anyone else shave their heads. Heck no! I might have found peace with it, but being bald in Scotland is seriously very chilly - I wouldn’t recommend it despite the positives I have found. But maybe there’s some mindset shifts that you could make that would bring that joy that don't require a lot of new hats?
Conversely, if you are reading this because you are experiencing hair loss, my advice would be this:
- You can do whatever feels right for you - wear a wig, a scarf, a hat, go bare or whatever you want. All are wonderful and all are allowed.
- We have the power to redefine what looks feminine and what is beautiful. It might not conform to tired old stereotypes, but the world will catch up eventually.
- You are beautiful.
- If you have a choice, don’t shave in January, especially if you live in a chilly place! (Switch that to July if you’re in a chilly place in the southern hemisphere).
- If you liked a head massage before, and if your scalp isn’t sore, you will REALLY love them now.
- Embrace the positives. They might be hard to find sometimes, but they are there.
- You are beautiful.
If anything here has sparked a thought or a question, ping me an email - my door is open and I’m always happy to talk about all things bald and beautiful!
January 2024
