How to break up with your phone
This summer I shifted a significant relationship. One that has been complex, sometimes rewarding but increasingly toxic.
It wasn’t with a human, but with my smartphone.
In many ways I love my phone. I can run my business from it when needed (although “big internet” is often easier). It holds my way of connecting with others, my schedule for how I live my days and, of course, all the information about all the things.
Recently, though, I’ve found myself scrolling when I’ve gone to bed which leaves me with a gnawing feeling of frustration and dissatisfaction. Hardly the emotions that I need to lead to a nourishing night’s sleep.
In the morning, I do like a puzzle or two. I’m one of those folk who has kept up with wordle all these years and I still, without shame, post my daily results in a small wordle facebook group.
Judge me if you will!
After wordle, there’s connections, strands, waffle and any other puzzle which has piqued my current interest.
This is all good wholesome fun. But then the scrolling starts… I’ll check the socials, and the newspaper and want to click on more and more apps with this growing sense that what I need is just out of reach.
Again, just like what my smartphone gives me just before sleep, I’m then starting the day with those similar frustrations and ominous sense of dissatisfaction.
Billions of dollars have been poured into keeping us addicted to the damn convenient things, so it’s not surprising I’ve a love/hate thing going on with being apart from it. But it’s a fight I want to have - against that capitalist machine and against my lazy desire to languish. Enough!
I used to always leave my phone in the living room when I went up to bed. 10 years ago this was completely normal. There’s a couple of good reasons why this habit slipped related to feeling safe when I’m home alone and being contactable in an emergency; I stopped using the landline a few years ago, but new handsets have been bought and old school phonage is returning to Longfield towers!
Anyway, all this has led to a serious habit of late night scrolling, which means I then don’t read as much (or at all) and then in the morning it’s the first thing I reach for instead of my journal.
I know that reading before bed and journaling in the morning improves my life. It has a positive impact on my sleep and makes a huge difference to my all-round feelings of oomph (the theme of the moment for me in my 100 days of OOMPH).
So recently, I’ve been putting the phone to bed on my desk downstairs.. It has felt incredibly hard, especially in the first couple of weeks. But now, about 3 or 4 weeks in, I’m actually looking forward to putting my phone to bed before I head upstairs… sometimes I’ve even ditched it before heading to the living room after tea. It feels SO good.
The good feelings are definitely bolstered by how much more reading I’ve done, especially fiction which had almost entirely fallen off my list of priorities.
And in the mornings, at the weekend there is often more reading but throughout all days there is lots more journalling. An adapted form of morning pages (instigated in the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron), I do love scribbling about whatever is on my mind, without those scribbles being anything more than a useful process and no product is needed from them. My thoughts range wildly from my to do list for the day ahead to musings on the mental health impact of losing my eyelashes (which was this morning’s scribbles).
It has also got me out of bed and down to my desk nice and early to start working. With two teenagers in the house during the summer holidays, making the most of the morning hours whilst they sleep is golden. Even though they often don’t bother me much at all, there’s still a distraction when they’re pottering about later on that makes focused work virtually impossible to me.
And now they’re back at school, I’m starting the day with more oomph, having got some of my thoughts straight in the journal, my imagination catered for in the reading and getting downstairs to retrieve the phone so I can do my precious puzzles, gets me active a lot earlier.
It’s a new thing that I hated to begin with, but the positives far outweigh the bad. I can feel my addiction to scrolling loosening a little too.
Occasionally, in moments of weakness or for a particular reason, the phone manages to worm its way back into the bedroom. So the work continues… I’m not giving up all this gorgeous reading and good feelings. Onwards!
To summarise and give a little support…
5 reasons I will continue to not sleep with my phone:
- I read more
- I journal more
- I don’t feel so dissatisfied and on edge
- I have more clarity
- It gives me more oomph
And here are 5 steps you could take to do it too (if you don’t already)
- If you use your phone as an alarm clock, buy a separate one. I’m a fan of this sunrise one.
- Decide on a place where your phone sleeps
- Accept it’s going to feel like you’ve lost a limb in the first few nights
- Get your books and lovely notebooks ready*
- Stick with it, even if it’s hard, notice the mood shifts & celebrate the success
*replace these items with whatever you’d prefer if reading/journalling ain’t your bag.
August 2024
